A Fowl Request
by Deceptive Lies
Summary: Artemis Fowl, at the age of 22, was quite busy taking over the criminal underworld when she received a peculiar request from her dear old friend, Severus Snape. Helping to teach Potions was never on her agenda; but she mentors the Slytherins, plots with the twins, and finds ways to ruin Umbridge. Now they want her to join some Order? Fem!Artemis
1. A Job Offered

Artemis Fowl the Second was a beautiful girl… and she knew it. She was far from vain, after all she cared not for the _simplicities_ that plagued every other 22 year old female. No, she was much too busy conquering the business class of Europe for her to concern herself with such frivolities. In fact, she would have cursed her looks as an inconvenience, for they surely attracted attention anywhere she went leaving it quite hard for her to live inconspicuously, if not for the fact that they unfortunately came in handy during business meetings with less-than respectable men.

This all brought her to her current dilemma; the odd man situated on the other side of her large mahogany desk, who's eyes were scanning every inch of her with unabashed subtlety. Artemis withheld the urge to quirk a perfectly manicured eyebrow, instead keeping the utterly cool façade she had perfected from the mere age of 7. She listened to the man, who was all but drooling as he listed the numerous financial benefits that came with working with him, with a look of interest and a seemingly impressed expression. She was not.

With a click of her tongue, the young woman leaned back into her leather seat, "Mr. Alonzo, I don't presume you are well aquatinted with the Marcusio family?"

The man paled quickly, his eyes for the first time that day meeting hers, "Uh.. N-no of-of course not."

The blue-eyed woman smirked in response. The Marcusio's were a well-known Italian crime family, famous for their underhanded and shady dealings in the criminal underworld. The current head of the family, one Gianluca Marcusio, has been a long term friend of hers since their original correspondence when Artemis was a mere 12 years of age. "You're afraid of them," She stated.

Emilio Alonzo began to sweat, "Every self-respecting Italian man is, my dear. You don't survive the world of Italian business by making enemies, or even friends, with the Marcusio's."

"Ah, well see that is quite interesting to hear. See, just last week I had Gianluca and his son Giovanni over for tea, who by the way, is expecting a son soon. And they told me the most interesting story. Would you like to hear it?" Artemis inquired.

Emilio somehow paled even further, his hands starting to shake slightly, "I'm sure that such matters of importance shouldn't concern a man like me."

Artemis waved a hand dismissively, "Nonsense. It is quite a jovial story after all. Humorous almost. You see, Gianluca was telling me all about how a particularly ambitious man under his employment decided to double-cross him by selling some insider information to the Russians."

Emilio stood up in a panic, "Th-this has been wonderful, however it is time for me to go."

"But we are just getting to the humorous part!"

"I must insist-"

Suddenly, the mask of previous indifference was dropped for one of cold fury, her ice blue eyes piercing in anger as she commanded, "Sit."

The man, fearful for his life, sat down. If he were thinking logically, he probably could have deducted that he, a man in his 30's, could easily overpower a young woman such as the one before him, especially considering she had sent away her butler an hour ago for some errand. However Artemis Fowl II knew how to command a room, her presence radiating such power and authority that anyone who crosses her doesn't dare to disobey.

"Where were we? Oh yes, the funny part! You see, this man thought he could get away with his crime. Isn't that hilarious? A man angers one of the most powerful families in all of Europe and he believes he could get away with it?"

"Lady Fowl, please I didn't-"

She interrupts him, "Don't plead. I _despise_ pleading. You see, I don't appreciate people going against my friends. And make no mistake, the Marcusio's are _definitely_ my friends. Plus, I quite like the idea of Gianluca owing me a favor."

"Madam I-"

"You're done. For good. At this moment, the Italian government is getting a notice that one of their citizens has been apprehended by the Irish government for several crimes which should put away any man for several life times. If you look outside, you will see several cop cars surrounding the Manor. Just outside this office door, well I believe Butler is standing there along with several of Dublins finest." At that exact moment, the door shot open, with Butler and several policemen marching into the expansive office.

As Emilio Alonzo was getting arrested, Artemis couldn't help but grin, "I certainly hope you enjoy prison! After all, I just donated a significant amount to the prison systems in order for them to buy new state of the art security."

Butler shook his head in exasperation, "Was that quite necessary?"

The Queen of the Underworld's grin turned cruel, " _Nobody_ messes with my friends."

* * *

Severus Snape was having an odd day. He was never particularly liked by his colleagues; they never actually trusted him fully. Today, however, he was being greeted with smiles and kind words from all of his fellow Professors. It seems like word had gotten out about his little… _discussion_ with Umbridge. It was only a day previous when the annoying toad-like ministry worker dragged the disgruntled Potions Master into his office, where she then proceeded to highlight every single thing "wrong" about his class, all with her fake sugary smile. He never did well with incompetence, so he decided to be uncooperative. Basically, he used all the sarcasm he could muster in order to insult the High Inquisitor, at one point even telling her straight to her face just exactly what he thought of the heinous woman.

And now word has reached his fellow colleagues. He doubted the students would ever hear about this, for the professors aren't quite so loose lipped to discuss such matters in front of the kids. Snape was glad for this fact, it was odd enough that the Professors were treating him kindly, he didn't think his sanity could handle seeing the same treatment from the students.

"Severus, would you follow me to my office? I have something I would like to discuss with you." Dumbledore asked as dinner that night came to a close. Snape had spent the entire meal dodging loathing glares from the pink-covered woman, choosing to instead read a particularly interesting new book written by his closest friend.

"Of course Headmaster." He nodded, following the elder man. They walked in silence, their many years of acquaintanceship allowing a sense of general ease between the two men.

Entering the office, Snape took a seat before leveling a stare at his longtime ally, "Is something the matter Dumbledore?"

Albus sighed, "It seems that Umbridge has taken more offense to your little discussion than we presumed. This morning, she sent a letter to the minister, telling him just how _overworked_ you are."

Snape raised a brow, "I'm the best Potions Master in the country, even our lovely Minister wouldn't be able to fire me."

"Ah yes, you are correct. However, Umbridge had the _wonderful_ suggestion of you receiving an assistant. That way your workload can be reduced."

Snape couldn't help but snarl in anger, "In other words, they want to appoint another Ministry official to act as my assistant in order to keep me in line, as well as helping Umbridge with her taking over the school."

Albus nodded in agreement, "That seems to be the plan. They want more eyes in the castle, and they see this as an easy way to call in more officials."

"What shall we do?"

"Well there's not much to be done. The fact of the matter is, you need to get an assistant."

"Have they found someone yet?"

"Not yet, however they are likely to find someone soon. You need to beat them to it, hiring an assistant of your own so that way they won't have an excuse to place one of their spy's. You just have to find someone both willing and trustworthy enough to do so."

For the first time today, Snape let out a grin, "I don't believe that would be a problem."

* * *

 _ **7 Years Ago:**_

At the age of 15, Artemis Fowl was no fool. She had manipulated the best politicians, stolen from the most secure of banks, kidnapped fairies, rescued her father from the Russian Mob, and had done countless other acts of crime. No one, _no one,_ could say that the girl was a fool.

Yet here she was. She knew that she shouldn't had stolen that small piece of fairy magic, but human emotions had failed her. It was a small piece, she reasoned, no harm could come from it. She never would have presumed that stealing the small amount would result in her kickstarting her own magical properties.

It was peculiar, they said, most kids display signs of magic well before the age of eleven. It wasn't normal for a girl her age to only now start producing magic. But Artemis Fowl wasn't like other kids, she never expected the norm, so perhaps she shouldn't have been too surprised when she received a letter from a secret magical society of humans.

For a moment, she considered telling Holly and the others about this new development. But then she would have had to admit to stealing magic, and if there was one thing a life of crime had taught the Lady Fowl, it was to _never_ get caught. So she quickly threw that thought to the wayside. She could figure out this society for herself.

Which brought her to her current situation; standing in the foyer with a so-called "wizard", dressed in black robes and a contemptuous sneer painted across his features. "Severus Snape, I presume? The letter mentioned you would be arriving today."

Another odd thing about the magical society, they used _owls_ to communicate. Why do that when email existed, Artemis had no clue. But she was going to find out.

"That would be me, yes." He drawled, sparing a mere glance around the expansive manor, "We have much to do today. We need to stop by Diagon Alley to pick up your wand, as well as any books you may need."

"I've been told that you would act as my tutor this summer, supervising me as I perform underage magic."

Snape nodded, "That is correct. You will attempt to go through as much books as you can before school starts up again in September. Once Hogwarts is in session, you will be sorted into the year that you are tested at, regardless of your age."

Artemis nodded, she had expected that, "And say, hypothetically, that I am able to go through _all_ the material covered in Hogwarts?"

Snape raised a brow. Did this girl really expect to go through seven years of material in a single summer? However, he looked around her Manor. Her parents were no where to be found, instead this large man she called "Butler" was standing silently in her shadow. Severus wasn't as unaware of the Muggle world as the rest of his colleagues were, he had heard many exploits of Artemis Fowl II. Despite her looking like any other pretty teenager, he saw a cold intelligence in her eyes. She had to be quite smart in order to carry on her family legacy single handedly. Perhaps this girl might surprise him.

With a smirk he answered, "If you do, then you will take your NEWTs come the end of the summer. If you receive a passing score, then you will be seen as a legal adult in the eyes of the magical ministry, with your underage magic ban promptly lifted off."

Artemis grinned, "Excellent."

* * *

 _ **Present Day:**_

The following week at Breakfast, Dumbledore was quite happy to make an announcement to both the students and professors alike, "Good morning everyone! Our esteemed High Inquisitor, as you all know, has been performing evaluations on all of our teachers. During her research, she has found out that our very own Professor Snape is more over worked than any other employee here!"

Ron and Harry shared a look from their spot at the Gryffindor table. "What in Merlins name? The greasy git does nothing but take our points." Ron remarked.

"Ron!" Hermione shushed him.

Dumbledore continued, "Due to her findings, Professor Umbridge has suggested that he receive an assistant to help him with grading papers and the like. So Professor Snape reached out to a _dear_ colleague of his, who had thankfully agreed to help!"

Harry couldn't help but frown, "Hey is it just me, or does Umbridge look really mad?"

The two other members of the Golden Trio followed his gaze. "You're right, she does look kind of red. But why? Isn't this what she wanted?" Ron asked.

Hermione hummed thoughtfully, "If Umbridge is angry, then something went wrong. We're not getting the whole story."

The doors to the Great Hall opened with a flourish. Dumbledore grinned, "And here she is right now! Everybody please welcome Assistant Professor Fowl!"

The student body gaped as they watched what was perhaps the worlds most beautiful woman walk in. She was wearing a simple black robe, her jet black hair pulled into a fashionable bun, her ice blue eyes taking in the sight of the packed hall. She made her way up to the Teachers table, the silence so deafening that everybody could hear the claps of her high heels on the floor.

So it came as no surprise when everybody could hear her next words. It was the actual words she spoke, however, which shocked people to their very core, "Hello Severus. I have truly missed you, my dear friend."


	2. A First Dinner

Artemis withheld the urge to sneer at her new colleagues as they stared at her unabashedly. She had just arrived to Hogwarts, right on time for dinner at the Great Hall, and already she was irritated by the rest of the Wizarding population.

"Ignore them," Severus whispered, "They are just unused to seeing me with a beautiful woman."

Filius Flitwick stuttered, "M-my apologies dear. We were just blindsided with the news of a new colleague."

Artemis raised a brow, "There is nothing to apologize for. I myself would be curious about a new peer."

Minerva's eyes widened, taking particular note of her accent, "You're Irish? I must say, I do not recognize you, so you can't be a Hogwarts student. Did you go to a foreign school for your primary education?"

"Nothing of the sort," Artemis admitted as she took a sip of pumpkin juice, "I was home schooled."

"Home schooled, how peculiar," Minerva muttered, "It's an unseen practice in the Wizarding World. Most families here in the British Isles see it as a right of passage to attend Hogwarts."

Artemis waved away her concerns, "I'm a- what do they call it again Severus?"

"Muggleborn," Snape answered, well-aware that Lady Fowl did not forget the term, she was a genius after all, but merely asked for show. The young woman did love her dramatics.

"Ah yes," Artemis nodded in faux realization, "I am a muggleborn. Since my family knows nothing about magic, and my own did not make an appearance until I was 15, I did not find it prudent to attend a magical school."

This time the entirety of the table was shocked. The beautiful woman, a friend of the Head of Slytherin Severus Snape, was a muggleborn.

Umbridge sneered, "So Professor Snape, you thought it was a good idea to hire a muggleborn who has never had any formal schooling as an assistant? Truly there are better options."

"There are no better options," Snape calmly replied, "Lady Fowl is a genius unlike any other, and I have the upmost respect for her and her skills."

Artemis smirked, "Do not worry about my credentials Madam, I have already forwarded them to our esteemed Headmaster."

Albus nodded in confirmation, his blue eyes twinkling in amusement, "Lady Fowl has kindly provided me with her her multiple publications in Potions, as well as her Masters. She has also secured straight O's when she originally took her NEWTs at the age of 15."

Filius's jaw dropped, "You took your NEWTs at the age of 15? I thought you only discovered your magic at the age of 15."

"You are correct on both counts," Artemis spoke with an arrogant tone, "I had a good tutor."

Snape snorted, "Modesty does not suit you Artemis."

"Perhaps not, but at least I know how to take a compliment," She quickly retorted.

Minerva, who had caught on to the subtext, questioned, "Your personal tutor was Severus?"

Artemis nodded, "That's correct. He tutored me throughout the summer and proctored my exam. He has been a cherished friend ever since."

Snape tried not to roll his eyes. Maturity has done a lot for the criminal mastermind, but it did little to temper her love of dramatics. With age, Artemis stopped being as cold to people, instead choosing to fake politeness and manipulate them instead. It was more fun that way, she often claimed. Her startling beauty only aided her in this, people were quick to misjudge and trust a gorgeous woman, something she often took for granted.

Slowly, he drawled, "As you can see Dolores, Artemis has been trained by the very best in Potions: Me. I trust her to help run my classroom utterly and efficiently."

Albus laughed jovially, "See! There's no one better for the task than a person who is trusted by her direct supervisor. Snape has made a great choice."

Artemis smiled sweetly, "Why thank you dear Headmaster."

* * *

Hermione mumbled quietly to herself as she stared at her newest instructor, who sat above at the teachers table. Ron, getting annoyed of her constant muttering, finally spoke, "What are you going on about Hermione?"

The witch blinked in surprise, as if she had forgotten that she was currently surrounded by her peers at dinner, "Sorry, it's just… I swear I know her from somewhere."

"You mean Assistant Professor Fowl?" Harry asked, "Yeah, she does look a little familiar now that you mention it."

Ron snorted, "Oh come on, how would you know her? _I_ don't even know her and I've been in the Wizarding World my entire life."

"Are you sure you've never seen her?" Hermione asked, "She seems to be quite good friends with Professor Snape, surely she's made an appearance before."

"I sure. Trust me, I would recognize a gorgeous woman like that anywhere, so believe me when I say that there is no way that I have ever seen her before," Ron stated, food spewing from his mouth.

"Ron!" Hermione lectured, "You can't just talk about one of our instructors like that! We have to respect her, not- not- not _degrade_ her by-"

"Calling her gorgeous?" Ron questioned with a scoff, "That's not degrading her."

Before Hermione could completely turn red and explode in anger, Harry interjected, "But I really do recognize her. She looks so familiar."

"She's friends with Snape, mate," Ron shrugged, "Unless you've been hanging out with Slytherins, I really doubt you know her."

* * *

Severus leaned back into his luxurious emerald seat, the green flames from the fireplace casting an eerie, luminous glow across the expansive, elegantly decorated room.

"I am still unsure on how you secured what has to be the best room in Hogwarts," Snape drawled, sending a knowing look to his young friend who sat in the chair across his.

Artemis chuckled lowly, an almost evil sound, "The Headmaster and I have come to terms, it was merely an added notation to my contract."

Severus snorted, "Well regardless, I am just glad you are here. I can not thank you enough for answering my pleas."

Artemis smiled softly, a genuine one, "Of course I'd answer Severus. You are my dearest friend, never doubt that. Besides, I've always wanted to visit Hogwarts, and I thought this was as good an opportunity as any."

"Still, I am thankful. I hope I did not pry you away from any other important affairs?"  
Artemis merely waved away his concerns, "No no, nothing of too much importance. I had just secured a deal with the Italian Mafia when I received your letter. All future correspondence can easily be handed from afar."

At this, she brought out a sleek, emerald mirrored smart-phone.

"One of my own inventions," She explained as she handed the device over, "A cellphone that can be used even in the technologically impervious Hogwarts."

"Astonishing," Snape muttered, examining the details of the well crafted device with awe, "How did you make this?"

Artemis smirked, "From the missing parts of a few, let us say grievously misplaced, pieces of Fairy Equipment."

Snape leveled a stare towards his criminally inclined friend, "In other words, from the pieces of Fairy Technology that you stole."

Severus Snape was perhaps the only wizard in the world, bar Artemis herself, that knew of the existence of the Fairy Civilization. His discovery of the people came to existence because of Holly's own meddling. Artemis made the mistake of introducing Severus to Holly as a friend after the mercurial Fairy caught the older man in the Fowl Manor, of course hiding his true identity as a wizard. Once Artemis began suffering from the Atlantis Complex, Holly went to Severus is desperation as the one person who knows Artemis better than herself, barring Butler. Thankfully Snape was able to diagnose her symptoms as a common Wizarding ailment, brewing up a potion and curing her from the disease.

That was the day the people learned of the Wizarding Community. It was also the day they almost all collectively murdered Artemis Fowl for keeping such a secret away from them. Thankfully, they left the young prodigy to her own devices, especially since she now had her own magical production that was purely hers, and not a product of Fairy magic.

Artemis chuckled, "Alright, fine. From the Fairy Technology that I stole. It is their own fault for leaving their equipment just lying around, ready for anyone to take. I did them a favor in teaching them this integral lesson."

Snape sighed in response, not willing to get into yet another argument on the ethical philosophies of criminal activity, "I digress, despite your questionable means that led to creating such a thing, you truly have constructed a masterpiece. I applaud you."

Artemis bowed in her seat, "Why thank you, good sir. I always appreciate flattery."

Snape chuckled, before his countenance changed, a serious look taking place, "Now, about why I asked you here."

"In your letter," Artemis began, "You mentioned that vile Umbridge woman, and your need for an assistant that you trust. I came to the conclusion that there was more to the story."

Snape nodded, "Much more. Tell me, what do you know about the Dark Lord?"

* * *

Butler hummed softly as he went through the therapeutic ritual of cleaning his gun. Artemis left yesterday for Hogwarts, the mysterious Wizarding school in Scotland, and he was all too upset at having to leave his charge. But not having any magic himself caused him to be utterly useless in the Wizarding World, a world he couldn't even enter barring Diagon Alley.

Suddenly his phone chimed, the personalized tone belonging to his life-long charge.

 _ **Butler, the Marcusio family will soon contact you regarding the selling of the latest Van Gogh. Make sure that it is being handled efficiently.**_

 _ **-Artemis Fowl II**_

Even when the Lady Fowl was far off and seemingly busy, she always made time to successfully run her shady business. He could only hope that Artemis will somehow not stick true to her character, and stay relatively safe this year that they are apart.

Unfortunately Butler sincerely doubted such a thing was even possible.


End file.
